I guess to continue my thoughts from my last post, man these past few months have been a ride, to say the least. Many things have happened, many of which I never expected or could have even imagined them happening just 4 months earlier.
Just when I think I’m good, know what I’m doing & where I’m going, and I think “I got this”, God just throws me a fast one and makes me realize again, I am utterly lost and weak when I’m the one trying to be in the driver’s seat. Through my own accomplishments, nothing can be achieved, because I’m not the God of my own life. I have no idea what to do and I’m just driving aimlessly, however, I’m thinking/pretending/convincing myself that I know where I’m going, I just need to drive and I’m good. My dependence should not be on myself and by my own efforts, but on on Him and Him alone. A continual reminder of that is needed as I continue to fail in this aspect of my life, in my failure to trust in Him alone. However, that’s not where the story ends. It doesn’t end with me failing and losing everything, but with God reaching out for me, even though I fail him everyday, every hour. His unconditional love and patience for me is so amazing, I don’t think I can even fathom what this could feel like. To be always the one that’s giving and expecting nothing, absolutely nothing in return. Giving His undeserving love to me, when I’ve done nothing right. That’s the gospel right there. The good news. I deserve to plunge into the depths of Hell and even more. But for some unknown reason, He decided to save me, a sinner like me, by sending His precious son down to a die a shameful death in my place. All my bad identity and sickness is placed upon Him and all His great identity comes to us- double imputation.
There is beauty found in the most unexpected of times and situations…
I feel so unworthy to be called Your child, Lord. For a child wouldn’t be like this to their “abba” Father.