by eternalized

I guess due to talks about this recently made me remember and think how ironic it is my group of friends go the same school as the ones that lived in the same apt 20 years ago. When I heard that just a couple of years ago, there was a sort of anger/bitterness, maybe moreso than if they were individuals with different occupations. “Why didn’t they help him? Why didn’t they do something? Didn’t they know something was wrong?” Those are still questions I ask today, but really, in a situation like that, there’s no one that can be “blamed” and even if there was, that’s not how it should be done. I wanted to blame that person-girl, the people living in the apt, the people around the person on a daily basis, even the person telling me the stories, or whoever. But I guess there’s a part of me that wanted to, because I think I blame myself. I didn’t realized that until recently when I listened to Welch talk about guilt. I still blame myself- maybe not on a regular or obvious way, but deep somewhere, I blame myself. I believe its my fault and MAYBE just maybe, if I had done something else, some things would have turned out differently. It’s stupid and silly to think like that, I know. But sometimes I can’t help it.

It’s ironic that I’ll be living in the same area that person lived 20 years ago. The same city.