by eternalized

“If you believe in one, you have to believe in the other” “If you believe in the one, you have to reconcile the existence of the other” – in regards to God (heaven)/ Satan (hell) – “criminal minds”

It’s been on my heart (for awhile) to be praying for D. It was the night before D left for a business trip, and I just happened to be home. And I was driving back to school, and I thought that this would be a good time to bring it up. I remember talking about it before (long time before) when I was a kid. I remember asking if he believed in a God, and I think he thought there was a higher power, although I am not sure how accurate this is.

I asked him if he thought there was a God, and he said that it was a made up story so that people could deal with the things that happened in their lives. He said no one saw him, heard him so he doesn’t exist. I asked him next where he thought we went after we died. But he just said to keep driving and that its not good to talk while driving (which obviously was just an excuse to not talk about it anymore)

That is the first attempt. And even this one, I mustered up enough courage …almost most of my life. And I fear the next time, there might be anger involved. But I do want to keep trying. I want to keep trying. I hope that even though I didn’t say much, I hope that maybe he will think about it or maybe it opens his eyes to at least something or someone out there.

I will keep praying about it.

One joyous thing that happened– which I dont know how I didn’t think about before was video chatting with M. Since D is gone, she’s by herself. So it was nice to vchat face to face. She was so amazed at the technology. I showed her the different visual effects- the hats/crowns/beard/hearts, etc. She was laughing and just happy overall. She was happy to be talking to me and even said I seem to have lost weight (versus what she said when I went home, haha). It seemed like she just needed this, you know? Some things to be happy about. It doesn’t take much to make her laugh, but there aren’t many instances where she can laugh and be happy, so anything counts. Even something little/trivial as video chatting.

Even this Sunday, He was reminding me about “forgiveness”. Since I’m not around D, I think its really easy to think I have forgiven him somewhat, but I know in my heart that I haven’t. But God is constantly reminding me to forgive and love and care, even if that person hurts us. Pastor talked about how it is hard to forgive because of a sense of finality “You ruined my life, you destroyed my life” but they don’t have the final word, only God has that. He talked about how Jonathan Edwards in “Christian happiness” lists 3 important/crucial points:

Point 1: Our bad things will turn out for good.

Point 2: Our good things can never be taken away from us.

Point 3: The best things are yet to come

Out out ashes, comes beauty.

Out of destruction, God will turn it into good.


Amen to that.